


don't go (i can't follow)

by My_King_And_Your_Lionheart



Series: blame it on the stardust [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Hopeful Ending, It Just Goes Downhill From Word Number One, Long Suffering Matt Holt, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Tattoos, The OG Garrison Trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-31 00:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12120996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_King_And_Your_Lionheart/pseuds/My_King_And_Your_Lionheart
Summary: Keith’s shirt falls to the floor and Shiro gets so distracted by the ink on his skin that when he finally realizes Keith was trying to flip him, he’s already on his back. With the mismatched ‘Never tell me the odds’ pressed against his throat, Shiro thinks he could fall in love like this.





	1. it's not like you were really gone but you were

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Sheith Big Bang!!! Shout out to my bro for betaing this!! And the biggest of shoutouts to alexlarder and izzy-the-baka whose arts i'll link up as soon as their posted! they both own my entire soul and heart and i love them both v much!
> 
> izzy-the-baka's art --> http://izzy-the-baka.tumblr.com/post/165766784195/he-hears-keiths-shirt-falls-to-the-floor-and
> 
> alexlarder's art --> http://alexlarder.tumblr.com/post/165768734604/so-i-totally-lucked-out-and-was-able-to-work-with

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith burns. He doesn't know how else to live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Same Tattoos by Fences

Keith is thirteen when he watches a woman take the first steps on Ganymede, one of Jupiter’s most promising moons. It’s on a screen that takes up the entire wall in the cafeteria of his crappy school, but the collective breath all students hold feels like something magic. The name scrolling at the bottom of the screen is Eliana Lucio, and Keith takes note in case one of his teachers decides it will be a fun pop question once they return to the classroom. When she gets joined by her partner, Keith sees his name scroll at the bottom, too. The footage is particularly grainy but that’s what they get for trying to live stream past the asteroid belt. Keith watches them plant the flag and doesn’t hear whatever the woman says after it’s in the ground. It doesn’t matter, anyway. He’s sure it’ll be on the cover of the paper tomorrow. The rest of the cafeteria turns back to their food, but he keeps his eyes on the footage, watches the astronauts jump around in the lessened gravity before the woman’s partner comes up to the camera and flashes a smile before cutting the broadcast. As Keith turns back to his lunch, his chest feels tight, even though he’s started breathing again. The feeling doesn’t leave until he gets the likeness of the spaceship inked into the meat of his thigh.

Two years later and Keith is in high school, working hard to get into the Galaxy Garrison. It’s his best chance at getting to the stars. He has an adoption interview before dinner, but he has minimal hope in actually getting adopted. He’s a teenager. Couples don’t want to adopt teenagers. He’s made his peace with it, even if it gets a little hard watching all of his roommates cycle in and out before he really even knows them. But Sister Janice says she thinks that he is the child that Chandra Tobias and his wife have been searching for, and hope like that is contagious, even if Keith’s head knows better. The bell rings, and he shuts his locker and heads for quantum mechanics.

Keith is sitting stiffly in one of the hard backed chairs in the dining room when he finally realizes why the couple looked so familiar when they walked in the door. The man is just opening his mouth to introduce himself when Keith blurts out-

“You’re the guy that landed on Ganymede.” The man stalls for a small second, before his smile widens the slightest bit more, and his eyes soften. Keith looks at the woman. “And you- you’re Eliana Lucio. You were the first person to walk on Ganymede.” She lets out a small laugh. “You guys are the reason I’m trying to be an astronaut.” Keith slouches in his seat, stares down at his hands clasped in his lap. The man clears his throat and Keith looks back up at him.

“I don’t know if I should be offended you didn’t know my name or honored that you probably watched that landing enough to recognize me without a helmet on.” He’s grinning when he says it and Keith stutters out a laugh that gets drowned out by his deep chuckle. “But you know why we’re here, Keith. We think you could fit with us. If what the Sisters say is true, we’d be a pretty good space family.” Keith’s brain is having an incredibly difficult time getting over the fact that the first two people to land on one of Jupiter’s moons want to adopt him, so while he’ll look back on this moment and wince, it doesn’t strike his mind to not say,

“But why would you want me?” There is a moment of heavy silence in which the couple across from him share a look, before Eliana folds her hands in front of her on the table.

“Keith, why wouldn’t we? You’re a driven boy, and from what Sister Janice tells us, you’re kind and smart. We met with some of your teachers at the Garrison, and they all say you’re dedicated and hardworking. We think you’d be happy with us, and we’d be very happy with you. We also understand if you’d rather not come home with us.” Keith stares at her, his brain still rocketing around at light speed. Then, he says another thing on impulse, which, although he doesn’t realize it at the time, is one of the real reasons he ended up going with the people who would end up becoming his parents.

“I have a tattoo of your ship.” His hand hovers above his thigh, hoping they won’t ask to see it. To his utter surprise, both Chandra and Eliana burst out laughing, before Chandra rolls up his sleeve, revealing a tattoo that looks shockingly similar to Keith’s. Eliana props her leg up on a chair, showing Keith the rocket that runs down the length of her calf.

“We have tattoos of our ship, too.” Keith smiles his first real smile since walking into this interview and he decides anyone that got tattoos of their own ship by Isabelle – because he’d recognize that art anywhere, it’s on his own damn skin for Pete’s sake - can’t be too bad at all. He gets adopted.

* * *

When the orphanage where Keith spent most of his life burns down, he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel. On one hand, the place was mostly good to him, even if he never really liked it there. On the other, no one had been hurt and at the end of the day it was just a place he had no particularly strong memories from either way. His parents assure him that even this strange numbness is normal, and how some people respond to loss. Keith doesn’t remember enough about his dad leaving to recall how he felt about it at the time.

He has a house now, with no roommates and a full sized desk to study at. Three square meals a day, breakfast and dinner he shares with Eliana and Chandra. The other day, he called Eliana “mana” by mistake, but the look on her face when he said it kind of makes him want to keep saying it. Chandra is okay with Keith’s hesitance to call him “dad” and has told Keith he’d rather be called “baba” anyway, because that’s what he’d called his father when he was a boy.

“But I don’t want you to feel like we’re pressuring you, Keith. Even if you never call us mana or baba we’ll still love you unconditionally. As long as you feel comfortable here, that’s what matters to us.” And what a strange thing it was, to feel like you belonged in a house. Eliana and Chandra were his parents, and he doesn’t have to fight to talk to them. Doesn’t have to ramble about his day to ears that weren’t listening. Chandra had even helped Keith through his nuclear physics course the previous semester. He still has the picture of his biological dad on his bedside table, but it wasn’t the only picture there, now.

There’s a group shot of the day Keith had been adopted, Sister Janice smiling in the background; a picture of him and Eliana in front of the local planetarium; Keith and Chandra in full skydiving gear, parachutes deployed and trailing behind them on the ground. He has book shelves dedicated to books he enjoys reading, not anything that was already in the house when he moved in, not just school textbooks. He doesn’t know how to feel about it, so he does the same thing he did the last time he went numb. 

Isabelle doesn’t seem too surprised to see him. He shows her a sketch of an idea and she takes the pencil drawings and makes them come alive in ink. When he walks away from the shop, he feels lighter, as if the orphanage had encrusted him in its ash and Isabella had blown it away. The triangle newly emblazoned behind his right knee encases the fire he’s called a constant companion since he was a child. The stars he’ll join one day burn at temperatures he can’t comprehend, the orphanage the ash from which he will rise from.

* * *

When Keith carves the planets into his own wrist, he thinks of the ink like a promise he’s always intended to keep. Isabelle is watching him carefully, making sure he doesn’t permanently mar himself or anything, but she’s given him enough lessons and he’s watched her tattoo enough people that, since the line work isn’t particularly difficult by any stretch, Keith is doing pretty good by himself. His baba’s watch will cover the tattoo nicely, he thinks, since ink isn’t exactly in the dress code at the Garrison.

Keith likes having these bits of time with him wherever he goes- the knife constantly strapped to his hip, a remnant of his past; his baba’s watch, his present; the line of planets wrapping around his wrist like a rope, tugging him towards his future. When Keith inks Venus over his pulse point, he chuckles to himself a little bit, because he’s never had that much love in his life, and he’s inclined to think he never really will. The rings of Saturn circle the cluster of veins running up to his palm, and Pluto is a small fleck of ink on his tendon that could be mistaken for a freckle. He pulls the pin away from his arm to wipe away the last of the ink splatters before applying a thin layer of salve to the finished tattoo.

He’ll make it there one day, he swears. He’ll make it there, where he belongs, and damn anybody who tries to get in his way.


	2. here in search of your glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro would tell you he doesn't regularly fall in love with people who have a penchant for breaking rules. Matt would tell you he's lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The Last of the Real Ones by Fall Out Boy

When Shiro first sees the kid his instructors have started comparing him to, he wants to laugh. It’s half an hour to lights out and Shiro had been hoping to get some quick stretching routines done at the back of the gym, but someone else is already at the bar, doing leg stretches in front of the mirrored wall. The profile is easy to recognize – it’s the same one that accompanies the simulator scores that have demolished his scores time and time again, even if there’s never a name attached to the picture. He’s got headphones on and his hair in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. Shiro spares a thought to wonder if that hair style is even regulation before he grabs a towel from the clean stack next to the door and strolls to the back, a respectable distance from where the other cadet has planted himself. There’s no nod of acknowledgment from the other – are his eyes closed? – so Shiro puts his own earbuds in and puts on some calming music.

After a while, Shiro figures it must be close to curfew, because his playlist is starting to loop songs, and it’s only twenty-three minutes long. The other boy is still going through stretches, eyes closed and headphones on. As Shiro towels off the portion of bar he was using, he thinks about his schedule for tomorrow, and the tests he probably should’ve studied harder for.

As Shiro straightens up from collecting his things on the ground, he sees the kid check the watch at his wrist. Shiro checks his phone to see the time for himself, and he’s mildly alarmed to see it’s five minutes to lights out when it takes him seven minutes to walk back to his dorm room. He should really start coming earlier. He begins to walk to the door before he realizes he’s left his water bottle back at the bar. Turning around, he sees the boy reach down to pick up Shiro’s water bottle, before he turns face to Shiro and – _oh_. Shiro has never seen eyes like those before.

A beautiful, deep purple Shiro didn’t think existed in the human iris spectrum, staring right at him.

“This is yours, right?” Shiro watches a hand like fine porcelain hold his water bottle out to him. “Takashi S.?” Shiro had forgotten he’d written his name on the side of the plastic bottle and hearing his name in that voice does things to his insides. Then Shiro realizes the boy is still waiting for an answer.

“Uh, yeah, it is. Thanks for picking it up.” He takes the water bottle from the outstretched hand. “Friends call me Shiro, though. What’s your name?” The other kid’s hand drops back to his side.

“I’m Keith. Iverson told me about you. Said my sim scores didn’t count for shit if I couldn’t beat your testing averages.” Shiro really does laugh now but tries to correct himself when Keith’s lips turn down at the corners.

“Sorry, sorry; it’s just that Iverson told me that my test scores wouldn’t get me anywhere if I couldn’t beat you on the simulator.” Shiro chuckles again in spite of himself. Keith’s small laugh joins him and Shiro has a strange desire to make him laugh again. Before he can embarrass himself by making a probably-lame dad joke, the school anthem sounds from the hallway speakers. Shit, only a minute until the lights go out and he’ll be given demerits for being out after curfew. Shiro sees Keith’s eyes widen, no doubt mirroring his own. They jog to the door and wait there as the lights switch off when the anthem ends, leaving them in the moonlight coming in from the skylights. Out in the hallway every third light is on, ensuring a shadowy corridor, but still giving enough light for the patrolling guards to see by. Shiro has half a mind to just walk out and try to explain himself, but Keith taps him on the shoulder before he can make up his mind.

“Your dorm is in West Hall, right?” Shiro nods, not really sure what Keith is getting at. “Okay, I live there, too. Come on.” Keith grabs his hand and pulls him almost out the door, before cocking his head to listen for the crisp footsteps of the first round of guards. The click of heels fades after a short moment, and Keith takes the opportunity to pull Shiro down the dim corridor and push open the door to the stairwell. Closing it softly behind him, Shiro turns back to Keith, who is looking up the narrow space between all the railings. “Good, no one’s in here yet. Let’s go.” They rushed up two flights of stairs before stopping at the right landing.

“You do this a lot, don’t you?” Shiro asks Keith, as the latter presses his ear to the door, probably listening for more guards. Keith turns his head over his shoulder to throw a lopsided grin at Shiro as he gently pushes the door open.

“How’d you guess?” Keith keeps his voice low, but since he and Shiro are so close, Shiro doesn’t have a problem hearing it. The door clicks behind them and Keith grabs Shiro’s wrist again, dragging him past the simulation ship to where the dorms start. Shiro is about to thank Keith for getting them past the guards and back to their rooms when footsteps echo around the empty space of the simulation deck. Keith uses the grip he still has on Shiro to pull him into a tight alcove, which has no lights on around it.

Suddenly pressed against Keith shoulder to knee, Shiro feels very warm, and tries to steady his breathing as the footsteps grow louder. He looks down at Keith, whose eyes gleam up at him in the dark, and who is very, very close to him. The footsteps get louder still, until it seems like the walker is right on top of them, and they’ll be found out for sure. Shiro’s breathing speeds up in his panic, until Keith puts his hand lightly on Shiro’s arm, the cool touch grounding Shiro in the present. Wide eyes search Shiro’s face as the footsteps begin to sound further away, and Shiro can see the back of a man walking away from the pair.

Shiro makes a move to leave the alcove, but Keith’s grip holds him in the shadows. The guard from before reaches the door to the dorms and makes a turn, coming back towards the two of them. Once the man passes by them again, Keith pulls Shiro to the double doors leading to the dorms and lets go of his hand.

“How are you going to get past the keypad? They’ll know we swiped in late.” Shiro watches as Keith fiddles around with the side panel of the digital scanner that allows students to get into West Hall. Shiro is slightly shocked when Keith, cool as anything, sets his Garrison ID in front of the scanner, which blinks green before the doors slide open. Shiro opens his mouth to talk, but Keith cuts him off.

“Garrison tech refreshes every five minutes. Gets checked for bugs and maligning information, the works. I just reset the internal clock to a little before curfew. It’ll set itself back to rights in,” Keith lifts his wrist and checks his watch, “Two minutes.” Shiro can swear he saw a flash of black ink underneath the wristband before Keith drops his hand again. Hardly regulation, but then, most of the other boy’s ink isn’t. “Come on, swipe in.” Shiro does so, still subtly trying to seem like he isn’t staring at Keith. They step through the doorway, which slides closed behind them.

“But won’t the new information just register as late when it refreshes?” Keith shakes his head, pulling the hair tie from his ponytail. Shiro stares as Keith runs a hand through his hair a few times, the black locks reaching past his neck. Definitely not regulation.

“Nah, it’ll just get shuffled in between whoever swiped in a couple minutes before lights out. And then it’ll reset the clock, but we’re already in the software as being in the dorms on time. And don’t worry about your room door. It’s a basic lock, and doesn’t report back to the Garrison mainframe.” Keith throws Shiro an easygoing before slowing his steps. “This is me. See you around, Takashi.” Keith’s about to swipe into his room when Shiro speaks.

“It’s Shiro. I’d like to think this little escapade made us more than strangers?” Shiro is floored by the soft smile Keith shoots him over his shoulder. He wants to be more than friends with this boy, but Shiro can wait for that. He has an idea Keith will be a pretty good friend as it is.

“Night, then, Shiro.” And he’s gone, the door closing behind him. Shiro lets his heart rate calm down a little as he walks to his room, face flushed. Matt is going to make fun of him so much.


	3. it's no big surprise you turned out this way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to the downward acceleration of gravity towards the center of the Earth, what goes up must, eventually, come back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Twin Mattress by The Front Bottoms

Keith’s parents tell him about the Pluto Mission, two weeks before the general public learns about it. He isn’t at the Garrison when the news breaks. He’s with his parents, who left the public statements to their boss, at the same tattoo shop he’s spent all the important moments in his life at. It turns out that Isabelle is actually an old friend of his parents, some grade school classmate they’d never really lost touch with. Apparently, they’d also both dated Isabelle before they’d met each other and there are enough jokes about it that Keith is vaguely uncomfortable before they sit down to sketch out the new matching tattoo Keith is going to share with his parents. It’s an old Star Wars quote, in piecemeal handwriting. Keith may only get two letters in the five-word sentence, but sandwiched between his mana’s lazy script and his baba’s blocky capitals, the little “me” looks like it belongs there.                                             

He gets back to the Garrison with gauze taped to his arm, Shiro asking him where he’s been, and a sore ache in his chest that he’d hoped the ink would’ve helped to get rid of; he misses his parents like they’ve already passed Saturn, and they aren’t even leaving for another two months. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do this, but he’s got Shiro, and Matt: the two best friends he’d never dreamed of having before. The anxiety and the sadness might not leave him anytime soon, but he won’t be alone. Keith really likes that.

* * *

 

When Keith doesn’t show up to their fuel chemistry tutoring session, Shiro goes down the list of places he could be. A quick survey of the cafeteria shows that the younger man isn’t there. He goes to the library and finds Matt there, instead.

“Yeah, I saw him a little earlier. You know we have molecular gravitation together with Iverson. Prof ripped him a new one ’cause he messed up the final step of calculations. Started comparing him to you and everything.” Shiro winces, and Matt sends him a grimace in return. Comparisons usually make Keith feel like shit, mostly because the younger cadet hates how the Garrison tries to pit them against each other. “Saw him head in the direction of the gym once the bell rang. Think the punching bag is helping him not get detention again.” Matt turns the page of his textbook. “At least tomorrow is sim day with Kamira. She likes Keith, I think. Or, at least, she likes how he doesn’t crash.” Matt looks up at Shiro, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Shiro sighs out a laugh. Professor Kamira isn’t a huge fan of Shiro, because his flying is pretty rigid. She’s always telling him that space is different from their technology, and how he’ll have to adapt to situations better. Keith is a fluid flier, and even though the simulation pod is rigged to not take stress as well, and to have more problems than any airworthy ship should have, Keith and his crew never seem to have too much trouble handling it at all.

Matt stretches his arms over his head, and Shiro hears several loud pops as Matt groans. Arms falling limp again, Matt lifts one hand and makes a shooing gesture at Shiro. “Go help him get his head out of his ass and meet me for dinner. I’m not getting anything else done until I eat.” Shiro ruffles Matt’s hair as a goodbye and leaves the library, looking back to see Matt packing his bag up.

Once Shiro gets to the gym, he spots Keith in an instant, the black hair tied back and the usual Henley brushing his wrists. Shiro really hopes he’d taken his watch off before he’d started wailing on the bag. Deciding he’s better off changing into gear rather than try and approach Keith with his uniform still on, Shiro heads to the locker room. He has an idea that might be better than Keith splitting his knuckles open for the third time that month. Shiro isn’t sure that Iverson is even the root of the problem at all, because the instructor has been a bigger ass to Keith before and the cadet hadn’t blown up like this. If Matt was right and Keith had come here right after the class had let out, then he’s been in the gym for close to three hours now, with minimal signs of stopping or calming down.

Coming out of the locker room, Shiro finds some empty space on the training floor, stretching his legs and arms out in turns. Once he’s sure he’ll be ready for exercise, he finds Keith again, and waits for him to be done with his combination before he clears his throat. Shiro knows better than to step back when Keith whirls around, but the instinct to retreat from a body that basically screams “Back off!” is hard to smother. This is _Keith_ , and Keith wouldn’t hurt him, no matter how angry he is.

“Come spar with me. I think the bag could use a break.” Keith’s shoulders draw up tight, before dropping their tension altogether. He takes a couple of steps towards the open area before Shiro starts to follow him. Shiro’s running scenarios through his head. Keith’s been here for so long that he should be tired enough that Shiro will be able to get him into a lock faster than usual and make Keith actually stay still and _talk_ about what’s bothering him for once, instead of running like he usually does. Or beating himself up, as he’s prone to do without Shiro or Matt to keep him from the gym.

Shiro shucks his shirt, thinking it’ll give Keith less to grab before he really stops to think about how this will be his first time seeing Keith shirtless. He pushes his traitor heart to the side because his friend is in pain and doesn’t need Shiro’s crush mucking things up, right now. Shiro looks back up at Keith, who is also pulling his shirt off over his head, before looking back at the ground and trying to will his blush away. He wants to kick himself for the lapse of concentration.

He hears Keith’s shirt falls to the floor and Shiro gets so distracted by the ink on his skin that when he finally realizes Keith is trying to flip him, he’s already on his back. With the mismatched ‘Never tell me the odds’ pressing against his throat, Shiro thinks he can fall in love like this. Only when Keith’s chest is no longer in his line of sight does Shiro sit up and listen to the words coming from the other cadet.

“You okay, Shiro? Sorry, you looked like you were ready.” Keith is offering his hand and when Shiro looks up, he can see tattoos all along Keith’s arms.  Watching the black ripple over Keith’s muscles when he helps Shiro to his feet is mesmerizing. Shiro almost forgets to reply to Keith’s worried face.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just zoned out for a quick second. Didn’t realize you had so many tattoos.” Shiro really wants to punch himself as soon as he says it, but Keith halts that impulse by laughing. Shiro starts laughing with Keith but stops once he realizes there are tears falling from Keith’s eyes to the mats, and that the chuckling coming from the cadet has turned suspiciously wet. “Keith? Are you-” Another point to Shiro for this dumbass question “-Are you okay?” Keith sniffles, his shoulders moving with the motion.

“Yeah.” Keith goes to stand up. “Yeah, I’m good.” Shiro stands up beside Keith, who is obviously still crying. Grabbing their shirts from the floor, Shiro puts an arm around Keith’s shoulders and starts walking him back towards the changing room. Putting his uniform back on, Shiro shoots Matt a quick text, warning him they’re about to get a guest in their shared room.

“Come on, buddy. Let’s go.” Shiro replaces his arm around Keith’s small frame as they leave the gym behind them and walk the path they had taken all those months ago when they had first met. Shiro pulls Keith into his side tighter when the smaller cadet sniffles again, his sleeve coming up to rub at his nose. Shiro keys in the code to his room before stepping into the slightly cramped space, pushing Keith in the direction of his bed as he goes to his closet for the spare blanket. Matt, ever the best friend, has already stocked his desk with spare water bottles and candy. He hasn’t looked yet, but Shiro hopes there’s even ice cream in the small ice box they share between them. Shiro has had cries like this before, where he just had to drown his feelings in things he knew weren’t good for him. He sends up a small prayer this tactic works for Keith, too.

When Shiro comes back to sit next to Keith on his bed, Matt is already on Keith’s other side, offering him tissues and making bad jokes to get Keith to smile, or at least stop crying. It looks like he’s been slightly successful. There’s a small laugh every now and then, and Shiro listens to the story Matt is babbling on about, tucking the blanket around Keith’s shoulders before pressing close into his side, offering support. 

“And there’s Katie, standing in the middle of the room. Everything is on fire, there are blast marks on the walls and all the equipment is probably broken, but she just smiles and tells us she figured out why our experiment was going wrong. Turns out what dad had been given instead of helium was hydrogen gas. Katie blew up our whole lab because dad’s experimental partner couldn’t read labels.” Keith lets out a laugh as Matt pulls out his phone to show him the selfie he’d taken with his little sister the day this all took place. Her hair is singed. Shiro remembers getting the call from Matt and hearing the story pieced together by three separate voices all laughing over each other. “How we didn’t notice in the three days we’d been trying the same tests over and over I’ll never know. Mom never let us hear the end of it. Sometimes I still get snapchatted pictures of chemical labels from Katie. She’s a pain in my ass.” Matt swipes through more pictures of his little sister and Shiro can see the tension leaving Keith’s shoulders with each story from Matt.

Keith takes the water bottle that Shiro hands him, but doesn’t open it. He does, however, immediately stuff three sour gummy worms into his mouth and give Shiro a small smile, the blue and green ends of the candy hanging from his teeth. His eyes are still red, but Shiro thinks that he might be able to ask Keith about what had him so upset once Matt finishes the story of how Katie accidentally broke his arm with her skateboard. Shiro puts his arm around Keith’s shoulders over the blanket already there. He does his best not to squeeze too tight when Keith leans into him.

“What’s up, buddy?” Matt has finished his story, moved back to his own bunk, and now it’s Shiro’s turn to talk to Keith. Keith shifts in his arms until Shiro’s hand is only just resting on his shoulder, and they’re facing each other. Keith pulls the blanket tighter around himself like a shield.

“You know my parents are going on the Pluto mission, right?” Shiro nods, unsure as to where Keith is going with this. Everyone knows Keith’s parents; Eliana and Chandra have been in some pretty bright spotlights since before they adopted Keith, and after they did, everyone kind of expected him to become an astronaut, too. Coming to the Garrison and training to be a fighter pilot was unexpected. “Well, they entered pre-take off quarantine yesterday. We talked this morning, and I’m calling them again tonight, but I miss them too much and they haven’t even left the atmosphere.” Keith rubs at his eyes, and his hands come away wet, sleeves damp at the wrists. Shiro puts his other hand on Keith’s shoulder before pulling him into a tight hug against his chest. He ignores it when he feels his shirt get a little wet. Keith pulls his arms from where they’re trapped in the blanket and puts them around Shiro, squeezing tight.

Shiro doesn’t really understand what Keith is going through, but he understands missing parents. His are still in Japan after all, and he’s been here without them for two years because the Garrison is the best flight school in the world and once he got in, his parents wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“It’ll be okay, Keith. They’ll be back in no time, just in time for summer break. And you’ll be able to call them until they pass Neptune.” Shiro rubs his hand up and down Keith’s back softly. The crying hasn’t stopped. “I’m sure they didn’t want to leave you, either.” Shiro knows he’s doing a lackluster job of comforting Keith, but he really isn’t sure what to say. Once contact was lost with the ship, it would still be months before Keith could talk to them again.

Shiro makes a quick gesture to Matt and the other boy tosses him a pack of tissues. Ripping it open without taking his arms away from around Keith is only mildly difficult, but he’s able to get the packet open with only two tissues ripped to shreds. He picks out a fresh one and hands it to Keith, who takes the tissue with one hand and grabs onto Shiro’s still outstretched one with the other. It’s incredibly awkward positioning, with Keith practically curled into Shiro’s lap, but Shiro wouldn’t move for the world right now. His best friend is hurting, and he loves him, so so so much, that seeing him in pain is hurting him, too. He’ll give Keith what he can, and can only hope it will be enough.

* * *

They’re in the cafeteria when it happens. The Pluto crew is just about to re-enter the atmosphere, cameras trained on the spacecraft, when it blows up on the screen. The pieces are recorded raining down in a fiery blaze, and Keith makes a horrible sound, some cross between gasping and choking, from where he’s seated next to Shiro. A scrolling title runs along the bottom of the screen: “Pluto Mission Re-Entry Failure: Crew Confirmed Dead”. Keith bolts.

Shiro goes to the funeral with Keith. The ceremony passes in a haze of black suits and crumpled tissues. Keith, for all the tears tracking down his face, keeps his chin up, staring at the smiling portraits of his parents. Shiro remembers standing outside in the hallway while Keith saw the grief counselors, saw people who knew his parents, were in mission control when they died. Shiro is there when Keith is given the boxes of his parents’ personal items from the space shuttle and their offices. Shiro remembers Keith crumpling under the weight of those possessions, falling to his knees in his small dorm room. Shiro remembers holding Keith against him as the younger boy sobbed, wishing that there was something he could do. The small hope that Keith wouldn’t be mad at Shiro for not telling him about the Kerberos mission curls up and dies a slow death in his chest. How could he do this to Keith?


	4. i'm afraid someone else will hear me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro made a mistake. He hopes its one he can recover from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from The (Shipped) Gold Standard by Fall Out Boy

When Matt accidentally lets the Kerberos news slip to Keith in the middle of their shared vacuum physics lecture, Keith feels himself go cold and his vision tunnels.  When he comes back to himself, he’s in the hallway, Matt in front of him, telling him to breathe. Keith would like for his lungs to function correctly, really, but he can’t feel his legs anymore. His hands have curled themselves into fists of their own accord and no amount of effort will unclench them. Matt’s hands on his shoulders feel light years away. Keith wants to close his eyes against the harsh fluorescents, but when he does, all he sees is the flaming wreckage of his parents’ ship, shrapnel falling like stars. His eyes stay open, but nothing he’s seeing is clear, blurring through the panic and tears. Matt wrestles him to his feet, even though Keith’s knees give out as soon as he’s standing. Matt simply pulls Keith’s arm around his shoulder, and half drags, half carries Keith to the room he shares with Shiro.

Matt puts Keith on his side on Shiro’s bed, propping him up slightly on the pillows there. He briefly thinks about punching Shiro next time he sees him. The Kerberos crew received the news of their selection when the Pluto crew had come out of the asteroid belt into the inner ring. That was a month ago- why hadn’t he told Keith?

“Hey. Keith.” The other boy’s eyes are still out of focus, but they swivel to look in Matt’s general direction, so he counts it as enough. “I’m gonna go find Shiro, okay?”

Keith lets out an aborted whimper, his arm lurching out to hit Matt with his still closed fist. Matt sits down next to Keith, purple eyes still somewhat following him. “Want me to stay?” A quick jerking of Keith’s head, his hair catching on the pillowcase. Matt pushes Keith further over on the bed before lying down next to him. With one arm, he tugs Keith’s shoulders so his head is resting on Matt’s chest. With his free hand, Matt pulls his phone from his pocket. “Breathe with me, Keith, c’mon.” When the younger boy’s breathing becomes more steady, Matt sends Shiro a text.

**[To: O Captain]**

**u dun fucked up bro**

**[To: O Captain]**

**y didnt u tell keith bout the mission**  

Matt watches as a small grey bubble pop up at the bottom of the screen, signifying Shiro is typing out his response.

**[From: O Captain]**

**Shit. How did he find out? I’ve been meaning to tell him, but there was never a good time.**

Matt takes a second to control the anger that rushes through him at the text. He makes sure to keep his breathing even so he doesn’t disturb Keith, who had slipped into unconsciousness while he’d been typing.

**[To: O Captain]**

**i told him bc i thought he already knew**

**[To: O Captain]**

**guess ill just add that to the list of shit u rnt telling him**

**[To: O Captain]**

**he had a panic attack shiro. real bad one**

**[From: O Captain]**

**Is he okay??? And what do you mean “list of shit I’m not telling him”**

Matt rolls his eyes.

**[To: O Captain]**

**hes sleeping it off in our room**

**[To: O Captain]**

**and oh maybe that ur in love w/ him**

The grey bubble doesn’t appear immediately, but Matt knows Shiro read the message.

**[To: O Captain]**

**pls tell me u knew ur in love w/ him**

**[To: O Captain]**

**it is sickeningly obvious to literally everyone that u love him**

**[To: O Captain]**

**shiro pls have ur gay freakout another time**

**[To: O Captain]**

**u should be here for him when he wakes up**

Matt is just about to send off another text yelling at Shiro to come back to their room when the door clicks open. Shiro stands in the doorway, flushed, like he’d run from his class to the dorms. Matt glances down at Keith, who does not so much as stir at the soft noise, and then back up at Shiro before sliding his phone back in his pocket.

“What the hell, Shiro?” Matt keeps his voice low, but Shiro still flinches as though he’d shouted. Shiro steps fully into the room and lets the door slide shut behind him. “We’ve known for weeks. He deserved to get told by you. Not by me bitching in class about how I wouldn’t miss Iverson’s voice when we were at the fringes of the solar system.” Shiro walks over to sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. Matt watches as his hand comes to hover over Keith’s, before it falls down into his lap.

“I just- I was going to tell him.” Shiro sounds the same way he did when his mom called last year saying his dad was sick. Saying he shouldn’t come to visit so he could focus on his studies at the Garrison. “I was gonna tell him a couple days after we got the news, but he was so worried about his parents. Then the crash happened and…” Shiro trails off, his elbows coming to rest on his knees, and his head in his hands. “How was I supposed to tell him after that?” Matt isn’t sure if Shiro is actively crying yet, but his voice is wavering suspiciously and he doesn’t really deserve to have both of his best friends angry at him, even if he did mess up. Matt nudges Shiro with his toes, digging into his side.

“Hey. I get it. You didn’t want him to worry. But now he knows and you have to make it right.” Shiro is still resolutely not looking at Keith, but Matt has class in a little while, so he needs to get out from under the sleeping teen, and just hope that Shiro doesn’t bolt before Keith wakes up. With the cagey way he’s acting right now, Matt is worried about that possibility.

Despite his worry, Matt picks up his bag and leaves, giving Shiro a stern look on his way out. And Shiro knows, he does, that he has to talk to Keith about the decidedly not friendly feelings he’s developed for the younger cadet, as well as why he’d neglected to tell Keith about the Kerberos mission. He just needs a little more time to get his thoughts together. Maybe make some note cards. A flow chart for how he wants to say this. Shiro has barely considered the best way to sneak out from under Keith without waking the other boy up when Keith’s eyes flutter open.

He stretches, pressing up against Shiro in a way that has him flushing up to his ears. There’s a small moment in which Keith sinks back into Shiro, throwing an arm across his chest and snuggling closer before he seems to realize that Shiro isn’t actually a pillow. Keith bolts upright, swaying slightly, and Shiro is kind of glad Keith isn’t trying to make eye contact, because Shiro can feel how red he’s burning and he needs to get control of his heart rate before he even tries telling Keith any part of the truth.

Shiro sits up and reaches a hand out to put on Keith’s shoulder, but thinks better of it and draws his arm back. Keith still isn’t looking at him. Shiro wishes he would.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Keith’s voice is low, and it sounds like he’d been crying earlier. Shiro’s heart feels like lead in his chest. “Why did I have to find out from _Matt_ that you’re headed into space in a couple of weeks? To Kerberos? Why couldn’t you just tell me, Shiro?” Keith finally turns to look at him and it twists Shiro’s stomach because those are _tears_ in his eyes, making his Keith look so sad and Shiro hates hates _hates_ that he’s the reason for it. Would give anything to take the past couple of weeks back, would give anything for Keith to have his parents back, would give anything to have Keith’s _trust_ back, because Shiro knows he’s lost it.

“I didn’t want you to worry, not after everything that’s happened… your parents…” Shiro trails off and he knows immediately he’s said the wrong thing, watches Keith’s eyes turn from sad and hurt to hard and angry. Keith stands, and though he sways, Shiro keeps his hands to himself because he’s lost the right to try and help Keith. Trying to help Keith is what has him hurting right now.

“You listen to me right now, Takashi Shirogane.” Keith’s voice is glass, all sharp edges moments from breaking. “You do not get to decide what to keep from me, not when I-“ Keith cuts himself off and sticks a finger in Shiro’s face. Shiro goes cross-eyed for a moment before giving up on focusing on it. “When were you going to tell me? Were you just going to go into quarantine and leave without a goodbye?” The tears are back, and falling quickly. “Don’t I deserve more than that? After everything, don’t I deserve that?”

“Keith I-” _I’m sorry_ is what Shiro means to say, but he doesn’t realize that’s not what came out of his mouth until Keith turns ashen and his hand recoils from Shiro’s face like he’s been burned. Keith takes a couple of steps back until he hits Matt’s desk, and pens and pencils go scattering.

“You _what_?” His voice is rough and harsh and not at all the reaction Shiro had been hoping for when he’d told Keith the truth. Then, Shiro hadn’t planned on telling him at what had to be the worst possible time.

“I love you. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear but-” 

“Shut up!” Keith comes towards him and for a heartbreaking second, Shiro expects to be told he’s disgusting, that Keith can’t stand the sight of him anymore. Instead, Keith’s hands curl into fists and hammer against his chest, no real force behind the hits. “You don’t mean that. You can’t.”

“I do, Keith. I really, really do. And I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting you.” Shiro grabs at Keith’s hands, holds them against his chest, his heart beating a staccato under their palms. “I was going to tell you; you have to believe me. But I wanted to do it when there weren’t classes to run off to or exams to study for. I wanted us to have time.” Keith is shaking his head, and his breathing is much too quick to be calm, or even just angry. He’s scared. “Keith, please.” One of Shiro’s hands come up to cup Keith’s face, turns the other boy’s head up so he’s looking right at Keith. “I love you.”

Keith pulls his hands away from Shiro’s, and Shiro lets him go. He can’t force Keith to return his feelings, no matter how much it hurts that he doesn’t. After Keith leaves, the door sliding shut quietly behind him, Shiro crumples. Matt finds him later, his nose buried in the pillow that still smells like Keith. He hopes they can still be friends.

* * *

 

A week passes and it hurts Shiro that they still haven’t talked about when he confessed his feelings to Keith. Everything else has gone back to routine, but there’s a disconnect where there wasn’t one before, a need to talk everything through in stilted sentences when glances and smiles could’ve made up a conversation and set plans. Matt acts like he has no clue what happened between them, even though Shiro spilled every second of the tense encounter to his roommate. He still throws his arms around the two of them and comments on the sexual tension. For all that Shiro kind of wishes he’d stop, he’s so immensely grateful that at least some things haven’t changed.

Keith calls him Takashi, both a distance and a reference to when they’d met, a joke they used to share. Shiro can’t help but grow to hate his name, even as hearing it over and over in Keith’s voice makes him love it more.

“Takashi, you did _amazing_!” Shiro loves that he can pick Keith’s voice out from all the rest of the cadets congratulating him on his new personal high score. What feels better is that he’s only a small bit behind Keith in the leaderboard now, and all his best friend sounds is proud. They’ve spent countless nights going over sim practices together until the sun came in through the window, have booked every free minute of time in the same pod that Shiro is just now stepping out of. There are hands shaking his, and awed stares from first years, but Shiro only has eyes for Keith. Shiro doesn’t register who he’s thanking, thinks he hears somebody tell him he’s their _hero_. He throws a couple more smiles to the now rapidly dispersing crowd before throwing an arm over Keith’s shoulder, walking in the direction of his room. Matt was in the middle of his own exam while Shiro was taking his own, and he can’t wait to tell his roommate the good news.

He’s still looking at Keith, though, and can’t find it in him to look away from where the other boy is pulling a paper from behind his back. There’s a large red _94%_ on the top of what Shiro can only assume is a test. “Guess who passed their propulsion engineering exam with-” Keith’s smile got even bigger, “- _flying_ colors.”

Shiro doesn’t bother to muffle the groan he lets out; Keith seems to think that reaction is as good as laughter. Shiro prefers his jokes pun free, but he loves Keith, bad jokes and all. Keith is laughing next to him, and after the horror show of the last month, the sound is music to his ears.

Shiro doesn’t precisely know what he’s thinking, but, God, Keith looks so happy and light, like he hasn’t in weeks, and Shiro wants to know what that smile _tastes_ like. For a brief second, Shiro’s mind clears of the mission, of the grief that’s been plaguing his best friend for the past month.

The kiss is almost entirely accidental and is over entirely too soon, Shiro pulling away as soon as he realizes what he’s done. That he actually kissed Keith for real instead of imagining it for the hundredth time. Keith’s purple eyes are wide with shock. Shiro can feel the embarrassed flush crawling up from his collar but he can’t seem to break eye contact with Keith, even though it’s becoming more awkward by the second.

Eventually, Keith steps toward him, but Shiro matches his movement with his own backward step. They continue like that until Keith has Shiro backed up against a wall. Shiro swallows, his mouth uncomfortably dry and his throat clicking. He watches as Keith breaks their eye contact to stare at his Adam’s apple moving, before those dark eyes move back up to his face. Shiro licks his lips and time seems to slow.

Their second kiss is almost nothing like their first. Whereas Shiro had been eager and clumsy, teeth clacking and noses aligned all wrong, Keith seems to know what he’s doing. When one of his hands comes up to scratch his fingers against Shiro’s undercut, the taller cadet melts into the kiss, letting Keith keep him pinned against the wall. Shiro can feel himself smiling and when he puts his hand on Keith’s cheek, he can feel that Keith is, too. God, he thinks he loves this boy. 

When they pull apart for the second time, Keith sets his hands on Shiro’s chest, palm flat over Shiro’s heart. Shiro has a fleeting thought that Keith could close his fingers around it, could pull it from Shiro’s chest like it belongs to him. It does.

“Takashi.” Keith’s voice is low and sets butterflies off in Shiro’s stomach. “The other day, you told me something I wasn’t ready to hear, but…” Keith’s hands curl into Shiro’s uniform jacket, and his smile gets a little smaller, a little sadder. “I think I love you, too.” And Shiro could die happy right now, even though he has a gravitational physics exam in three hours, and he’s going to be floating around in a space shuttle in two weeks and he’ll have to say goodbye to this precious starfire boy in front of him.


	5. i'd give anything to hear you say it one more time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Saturn by Sleeping At Last

The first time Keith decides to take Shiro to his father’s old shack, he’s not exactly sure why he wants to bring him. His mana had only come with him once, and when they got back Keith overheard his baba ask her what kind of man leaves a seven-year-old in the middle of a desert alone. Keith didn’t have an answer for him then, and he doesn’t even really have one now. So when he asks Shiro if he’d like to spend a weekend off campus before he leaves, Keith is kind of surprised when the older boy says yes. They fill out excursion forms and are allowed to take enough food from the mess hall for the trip, and when Keith brings his hover-bike out of the garage to pack everything up so they can go, he’s a little pleased when Shiro wolf whistles.

“She’s a beauty, Keith. What model did you get?” Keith chuckles a bit, and takes the assumption that the bike was ever factory made as a compliment.

“She’s not any model, ‘Kashi. My baba and I built her from scratch. He had the coolest propulsion set up in our shed; it’s where we made the engine and the turbines.” Keith patted the wing of the bike fondly. That was a fun weekend, even if talking about his parents in the past tense feels like he’s running his bones through a meat grinder. “Mana helped me get the metal from a scrap yard.” Shiro is staring at him, and Keith doesn’t know what that look in his eyes is.

The ride out to the shack is long, but it’s a clear morning, and the desert hasn’t warmed up that much from the night’s cool, so Keith is thankful for Shiro’s heat pressing against him as he drives. The sun is just starting to peek over the horizon line when they reach the old house, and Keith feels a knot in his stomach when he realizes that Shiro might have expected better than this when Keith asked him if he wanted to spend a couple of days hiking through caves and being out in the fresh air. When Keith turns to face Shiro, however, the other boy’s smile is soft, and it makes Keith’s heart ache with all the things he has and has to give up soon.

They leave their supplies in the shack after Keith starts up the generator. They repack their bags and refill their water bottles before they head out into the cave complexes Keith had mostly mapped by the time he was seven. They walk mostly in silence, just enjoying the sunlight and the crisp air of the desert.

Eventually, even the cool of the dark caves succumbs to the heat of the sun. When Keith takes his shirt off to bring some relief from the heat, Shiro’s voice catches him off guard. He’d almost forgotten the other boy was here.

“What is that, on your back? It got a meaning, too?” Keith cranes his neck and catches the tail end of the Vulcan script on his lower back. Shifting to look at Shiro, he can see the other boy’s eyes trace the calligraphy to the top of his spine, where it starts. Keith isn’t entirely positive he wants to recount this particular tattoo, even though he’s explained all the other ones.

Maybe it’s because Sister Janice was the one person he’d always had to himself. His mother walked away, his father became obsessed with finding her again, and his mana and his baba were taken by the stars. Sister Janice died of old age, and lived the life Keith thinks he’d like to live: one spent helping people and surrounded by people who love him and make him happy. On his most bitter days, Keith hates himself for thinking she’s the only one who didn’t choose to leave him.

“One of the Sisters at the orphanage, she loved Star Trek. Would always watch the old tapes with me when the other kids were mean to me. Happened a lot.” Keith’s hand makes its way to the back of his neck, and even though he can’t feel where the ink is embedded into his skin, he feels like Sister Janice is standing next to him with that small, proud smile on her face. “The script is Vulcan, from the show. The words are, too, but…” Keith has to take another deep breath to steady himself. He’d cried for days after Sister Janice had died, and it’s still a sore subject. He reminds himself to visit her grave soon; it’s been too long since he’s talked to her. “These are the last words she said to me. ‘Live long and prosper’.” Keith looks away from Shiro. There’s pity in his eyes. Keith doesn’t need it. “After my parents left, she really made sure I stayed on the right track. Made sure I knew she cared about what happened to me. I still saw her a lot even after I left the orphanage.” Shiro comes up next to him and takes his hand. His palms are soft against Keith’s.

“She sounds like a great woman. I would’ve loved to meet her.” Shiro’s thumb starts rubbing across the back of Keith’s hand in gentle circles. Keith can feel the tears pressing against the back of his eyes, and he remembers promising himself that he would stop crying about it. He takes his hand back and scratches his hands against his scalp.

“Come on, Shiro.” He allows himself a smile, even though he’s pretty sure his eyes are still a little red. “Day’s still young and you don’t have that many left before you go.”

* * *

 

The day Shiro leaves, his chest is heavy, and his heart hurts. The space suit they gave him is insulated and heavy, the polar opposite of the uniform he took off that morning. He put together a package for Keith, left it in his quarantine chamber for the clean-up crew to give to Keith. The Holts did the same for their families, because even as safe as space travel is nowadays, there’s always the slight chance for things to go wrong. Keith’s parents were proof enough of that.

The small box holds Shiro’s dog tags, and an old pair of fingerless gloves he’d broken in his first year at the Garrison and since grown out of. The pair Keith owned looked a little threadbare and holey. The last item he gave to Keith was harder to do, because the ring was a little risky to give when he wouldn’t be able to contact Keith for at least a couple of days as they set up base communications in the shuttle. The ring is only a promise, Shiro knows; the letter he wrote explains everything, but Shiro also knows he’ll never stop loving Keith. When he straps himself into the shuttle’s pilot seat, Shiro hears Keith’s warm laugh over his shoulder, a lilting “ _Not really like the simulators, is it, ‘Kashi?”_ echoing in his ears, even though no one spoke. Shiro will be one of the first people to set foot on Kerberos and he’ll be back on Earth in a few short months. The months of space travel ahead of him are nerve-wracking and mildly terrifying, but exhilarating. He can do this.

 Keith loves the videos Shiro and Matt send him, of them doing tricks in zero-g, gulping down floating bubbles of water, sending pens to poke Mr. Holt so many times before the older scientist notices, of the two of them telling him about the mundanity of space. Every once in a while, they pass a planet, and Keith treasures the video they send him of Ganymede because Matt found a way to up the detail of the footage. They zoom in enough that Keith can see the flag his mana planted in the surface of the moon.

The last video Keith gets from them is short and simple and he watches it over and over again. The video is grainy and fritzes out a lot, leaving static interspersed throughout the recording. Shiro is laughing at something Matt said that Keith can’t hear. Static. A light whining buzz and Shiro gets up from his chair to pull Matt into the frame, using his bigger size to get the other in a headlock and mess up his hair. A blink in the video and Shiro is talking, though the buzzing covers up some of his words.

“—beautiful – you would love – Holt is thinking that – can’t wait – love you.” Keith loses whatever else was recorded to the static. At the time, he isn’t worried. He’ll have Shiro back in his arms in no time. Shiro made him a promise, gave him a ring. He might be alone now, but Matt and Shiro are coming back. He can do this.

The day Shiro dies, Keith accidentally breaks his baba’s watch. The face has a crack running across it and the ticking has stopped. Keith spares a thought for sadistic gods before taking the watch from his wrist and packing it away, with the ring Shiro gave him. He sees Venus where the leather had once been, and remembers what he’d thought as he tattooed the planet into his pulse point. He had been wrong, he thinks now. He’d had so much love in his life before it was all ripped from him. Now he knows the placement of the planets is all wrong. Keith’s blood should have a closer attachment to Mars. The stars took his beloved people from him, and his parents might be gone for real, but there is no way Keith lost Matt and Shiro – _Shiro_ , the smartest and safest pilot Keith knows – to something as inane as _pilot error_. He refuses to accept whatever half-baked bullshit the Garrison is trying to pump out to the public. He’ll find out the truth. Keith remembers his bookshelf full of myths and legends; Achilles killed a god after Patroclus died. Keith is going to burn fighting the universe itself. Keith doesn’t know how he’s supposed to do this. He’s _alone_. He hates it.

* * *

 

_“Never really thought you’d be a Star Wars nerd. You strike me as more of an X-Files kind of guy. You know, conspiracy and all that.” Shiro picks up a chicken nugget from his try and uses it to point at Keith. “Plus, you can’t be a fan of Star Wars and Star Trek. That’s not how it works.” Keith laughs at the ketchup Shiro is getting everywhere._

_“And where is that written in stone, pal? Besides, I’m a fan of space first and foremost, so I’m gonna love anything that has ‘star’ in the name.” Keith stuck a French fry halfway into his mouth and smiles around it, showing his teeth. Shiro_ laughs, _and picks up another nugget. “But, hey, if you really want, we can marathon X-Files next weekend after finals. There’s only, what, 200 episodes? That’s easy.” Shiro had to swallow before he could reply._

 _“There’s 20_ 8, _Keith, and they’re 45 minutes each. We might have to watch the first two seasons during reading week.” Shiro snatches some of Keith’s fries from his plate. “There_ truth _is out there, my young padawan.” Keith starts laughing so hard his soda almost came out his nose. After his coughing fit, which makes Shiro look at him in concern, he swipes a chicken nugget from the other boy._

_“Those are two different things, Shiro. Who’s breaking nerd rules now?”_

The memory comes to Keith in a dream four days after Shiro is declared dead and the Kerberos mission a failure. He remembers that day, it was the same day his parents told him they’d be going to Pluto for almost a year. It hurts now to remember the happy moments from the Garrison. Keith feels like he should be crying, but he’s not sure he has any more tears left. He’s always meant to get an X-Files tattoo, anyway. Besides, it wasn’t pilot error. The Garrison is wrong, and the truth _is_ out there somewhere in the desert. Keith gets the tagline inked into his skin the same day he leaves the Garrison, before he follows the pull out to his dad’s old shack. Keith won’t let Shiro just be another ghost.

* * *

 

The stars call his name at night and Keith spends months following their siren song to a cave system he’s never seen before, even though he grew up in these canyons. His right hand feels odd when he runs it over the markings in the largest cave he’s found yet. If he closes his eyes, he can hear lions roaring in the dark. When he gets back to the shack, he digs out the small box he took with him from the Garrison. The box Shiro left him. The ring still fits perfectly, and the gloves go over his hands, soft and still smelling faintly of oil. Something ancient and powerful settles heavy in his chest, right next to his heart and he knows – Shiro is out there somewhere. Keith will find him. He can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The End. How fricken wild y'all. Tell me what you thought!!! Kudos keep me alive and writing, so they are always appreciated! Come yell at me on tumblr at my-king-and-your-lionheart!


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